Your relationship with your surrogate

When we look back on both journeys, the people we think of first are the two women who carried our children. Their kindness and emotional generosity shaped everything about those years.

A good relationship with your surrogate doesn't happen by accident, especially across a language barrier and an ocean. This guide covers what we'd want any intended parent to think about — before the match, during the pregnancy, around the birth and afterwards.

Start with the agency's framework

In Colombia, your relationship runs mostly through your agency. They match you, handle contracts, organise medical care and usually translate. That structure protects everyone. Before you're matched, ask:

• How much contact is normal — messages, video calls, meeting in person — and what the surrogate herself would like.
• Who translates, and whether you can message directly or only through a coordinator.
• How her welfare is supported — medical care, transport, nutrition, emotional support — and who she can turn to if she has a concern.
• That she has independent legal advice, separate from yours.

Our agency selection checklist includes the ethical questions in full.

Communicating across a language barrier

• Keep messages simple and warm. Short sentences translate better than long ones.
• Use a translation app, but have important things checked by the agency's coordinator.
• Agree a rhythm — for example, an update after each scan — so neither side is left wondering.
• Learn a little Spanish. Even a few phrases — gracias, ¿cómo estás?, te enviamos un abrazo — mean a great deal.
• Respect her privacy. She has her own family, work and life. Let her set how much she shares.

Money: the area to get right

UK courts look carefully at payments made in connection with a surrogacy when deciding a Parental Order. The rules around "reasonable expenses", and what happens if more was paid, are explained thoroughly in parentalorder.com's guide to reasonable expenses.

The practical lessons for the relationship:

• Don't make private payments to your surrogate outside the agreed arrangements, however well meant.
• Agree any gifts with the agency first, and keep them modest.
• Keep records of everything paid and why. Transparency protects you, her and your child's Parental Order.
• Take legal advice from a UK surrogacy solicitor if anything is unclear.

Around the birth

Talk about the birth plan well in advance, through the agency: who will be present, what she would like, and how you'll meet your baby. Births rarely go exactly to plan, so agree the principles rather than every detail.

The days after the birth are emotional for everyone. Give her space to recover, follow her lead on contact, and thank her — in person if she'd like that.

Consent, and why timing matters

For the UK Parental Order, your surrogate signs consent forms that can't be signed until at least six weeks after the birth. Those forms are her free choice and must be treated that way. Never pressure, rush or attach conditions to them. Your lawyer and agency organise the signing, translation and notarisation.

parentalorder.com's guide to the C52 and A101A forms explains the process.

Afterwards

Some families stay in touch for years; others prefer a quieter connection, such as a card each year. There's no right answer — what matters is that both sides agree and that it's honest. Things worth thinking about:

• Photos and updates — what she'd like to receive, and how often.
• Social media — agree what, if anything, is shared publicly.
• Your child's story. One day your child will ask how they came into the world. Keeping a record — a few photos, a letter, her first name if she's happy for you to use it — makes that conversation easier and richer.

The heart of it

A respectful relationship isn't only the right thing to do. It makes the journey calmer for everyone, makes the legal steps smoother, and gives your child a story they can be proud of. If you'd like to hear how it worked for us, book a free call.